We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
