Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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