just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There r osticjed everywhere
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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