Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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