she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
