In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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