i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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