boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
