I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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