U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Also, beer. Big fan.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
