Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
