Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
