I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
