Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
