You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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