You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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