so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
