I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
