cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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