sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
