I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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