My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
