Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
