I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize