How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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