this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize