He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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