I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
