Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
