What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
