I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
