I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize