The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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