I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
