Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
