brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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