a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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