I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
