we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize