we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
