dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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