All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
