dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need a beard to bite.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
