Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize