"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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