At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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