You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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