Well douche your snatch and let's go!
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
