guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
