He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
