I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize