I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
