So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
