I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
