last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
