Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
