I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
