We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
time to smoke my breakfast
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
