so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
