My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize