Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize