I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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