Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
