wat bout pragnant strippers??
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
