We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
