i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize