Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
