I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
