I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dick very happy bro
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
