i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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