You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
