If you die in college, do you die in real life?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
