I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
and she was petting her beer can
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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