did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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