My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
