Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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