Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize