I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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